Friday, 25 September 2015

Does the heart ache ever end?

It is safe to say I have had one of the hardest 18 months of my life. I am only 18 years old and it is refreshing to know I have many more happy years to come, but at the moment, the past year or so has been extremely low. As soon as things start to pick up, something comes and shits on my happiness. Sorry that I cant keep it PG but my aggravation has got the better of me.

Last week, I lost my beloved dog Lulu.

She had been a part of my family for 7 and a half happy filled years. Growing up as an only child myself, it was me & her right from the beginning. It breaks my heart that she has left my life at a time I felt like I couldn't give her my full attention or affection as much. My illness made it a lot harder for me to take her for walks or to play with her. I am not talking about a little pooch here, my Lulu weighed the same as me. Not because she was over-weight, but because of her breed, Bullmastiff. I had been by her side since she was a couple days old and begged my not so dog friendly mum to be able to get her for months. I visited Lulu and her siblings every Saturday to help out and once they were old enough, every week I watched a puppy disappear. If I hadn't been given the opportunity to help out with this particular litter of puppies I probably would have never begged for a bullmastiff, probably something small and fluffy, but this was such a blessing in disguise. I could not imagine having any other type of dog and feel so blessed to have found Lulu when we did. She had the sweetest soul and was never nasty to anyone. Everyone loved her. My not so dog friendly mum now loves dogs as Lulu showed my mum a gentle and loving side to the species. She opened my eyes to a whole new level of happiness. She made our house a home and not having her here makes the house feel incomplete. It makes my family feel incomplete. 

She was taken from us so unexpectedly and I sit here and regret all the times I didn't give her enough kisses and hugs. For infection reasons, I had to be wary about interacting with her loads when I was first diagnosed. For tired reasons, I would stay in bed when she was only allowed downstairs. For hospital reasons, I would go days without seeing her if I was admitted. The hospital took away my last opportunity for a kiss or a cuddle from one of the best things that ever did happen to me. I lied awake, motionless in my hospital bed whilst my Lulu lied on our living room floor, peacefully and motionless as a heart attack robbed her of her happy life. Although this is such a sad ending to a beautiful life, I am so glad to know that my dog didn't suffer a dreadful disease or illness that would cause her health to deteriorate. I am glad that she was taken from this earth quickly and I know she is probably eating all the things she shouldn't be and tearing up all the tennis balls she desires in doggy heaven.

Rest in peace to the sweetest dog that stole my heart from day one.

Our first & last pictures together <3 my heart is so broken without you Lulu x 

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