Sunday 7 May 2017

2 eventful years later..

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to be older. Now that I am older, I am really beginning to realise that life is way too short and I no longer want to wish my years away. 

It overwhelms me to think that in this exact moment 2 years ago, I was sitting at the teenage cancer trust day care center of UCLH, still actively trying to process my diagnosis and how much my life had dramatically changed within 5 months. Dauntingly looking towards my bleak future which I knew would consist of much more chemotherapy and bland hospital food.

Wednesday 14 December 2016

The rollercoaster of maintenance

I have technically been in remission for over a year now (!!!!!!). Out the doors I went, never looked back on the cancer center, the hospital wards and more importantly, the chemotherapy. I returned for regular check up's and carried on with my, some-what ordinary life. That's what you would expect to happen when your in remission, right? I do wish it was that simple with my diagnosis.

It's funny though, I never had a moment when someone sat me down and told me I was in remission. I continued to attend my treatment appointments as usual and nurses carried on with their job. It was only when I noticed that some members of staff started to speak to me as if I knew there were no leukaemic cells left in my body that I questioned it. I can't remember the exact words that were spoken, but I was in an isolated room, most likely having a treatment complication, and I kind of took in this 'remission' topic and smiled. I didn't cry. I expected myself to, but I didn't. I don't think I was at that relief stage yet as I still had months of intense treatment left, because no matter what stage in your treatment you reach remission with leukaemia, the treatment continues. Also, that wouldn't be the end of it, as after the intense treatment I would be tackling the next hurdle, maintenance treatment.

Thursday 4 August 2016

One thousand and more rays of sunshine

"Honestly, I'm okay thank you..". 

"Come on Alex.. Anything you want, anything you've dreamed of. Why would you not want to take up this offer? 

Why I didn't want to take up the offer of a 'wish' was simple. I had browsed the rays of sunshine website and the page which showed wishes that had previously been granted, was full of sweet, and incredibly young children with big smiles showing off their brand new iPad. I wanted to sacrifice my wish to allow another child to have an iPad. 

Friday 3 June 2016

My reminder of the day

Cancer has taught me to not get caught up in the bad moments, but to look forward to what good there is ahead of me. I will always remember the moments I just sat there and thought ..              "Shit, I actually have cancer"
but I looked ahead to the moment of relief I would feel when I would be told I was in remission.

Some problems are only temporary, they will pass.. along with the bad day that came with it. 

Thursday 28 April 2016

My letter to you

Dear Jordan

I stare at this blank space for ages, finding it hard to know where to start.