Sunday, 21 June 2015

The light at the end of the tunnel

Cancer becomes a world full of darkness that you feel like you can’t escape. You can’t escape cancer, but you can escape the darkness. It might not look like it or feel like it in the beginning, but there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Its been 6 long months since I was diagnosed back in December, and honestly, if you told me I can get through this then, I would have given you one of those evil stares and looked away. I didn't feel like I could get through this, I was suppose to be just starting my life, and instead, I had to start fighting for it.

If your a cancer patient, you know you will live by the treatment schedule papers that you are given by your nurses. And looking at my schedules, I just saw a never ending cycle of treatment appointments and constant hospital visits. I can’t speak on behalf of other patients, but I know how daunting it is to look at the treatment schedule of someone battling acute lymphoblastic leukaemia like myself. Sometimes, the treatment can feel like a full time job. Although I might not be getting up at the crack of dawn to go to work or education, I am getting up in the mornings knowing I have to spend the day receiving chemotherapy. And I know which one I would rather be moaning about, and it would definitely be having to wake up at the crack of dawn to go to work or education.

I have been at a hospital almost every week, a couple times a week, even 4 consecutive days a week if I’m really fortunate, since December. So no, I didn't see a light when I looked down at my treatment schedule papers and saw how much my illness was going to take over my life. And for the first couple of months, I did let it take over my life. I couldn’t see past having cancer. I couldn’t see how my future would plan out after having this massive rock thrown at me so early on in my life. I couldn't plan ahead as I couldn't predict how I would be feeling physically and emotionally, I couldn’t even decide what I wanted to eat, let alone what I wanted to do after I have dealt with this battle. 

But now, after 6 months,  I can see the light at the end of my own personal tunnel. I don’t let cancer take control of my life anymore, although it does get in the way. I still have a long road to recovery, a 2 year long road, and if I let cancer get in the way of my life for that long, whose life would I really be living?

So when your feeling like you can’t get through the battle anymore, and trust me when I say I know how easy it is for others to say things but not really understand, just think about how you will look back on this test that life threw at you, and how much of a dark place you was in, because maybe you have to know the darkness in life, before you can appreciate the light. 

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