One year on..

On the 18th of december 2014 I was told by the doctors at my local hospital "We think you have leukaemia".

I clung onto the word 'think' until the next day when it was clarified that I did in fact, at 17, have cancer. So today is the day I consider it being a year since I was diagnosed. The news that broke my heart & changed my life forever. The news that has formed me into the strong person I am today.

Unhappy 1st birthday to my cancer! Too bad, you didn't win this time.

I found my sense of tumour

A cancer conference? Doesn't exactly sound like my cup of tea. A cancer conference held at Center Parcs? Well, pass me the sugar.

It sound's extremely selfish of me to decide to go on a cancer charity weekend due to its destination, but that is what attracted my attention at first. And to be honest, I am so glad it did.

The Teenage Cancer Trust run's two 'Find Your Sense of Tumour' weekends each year. One weekend for the under 18's and another weekend for over 18's. The conference was full of inspirational talks, presentations, celebrity speakers, play's, on-site workshops and complementary therapies. The weekend itself gave young people, just like me, the opportunity to widen their knowledge on their own cancer diagnosis and other cancer's that affect young people. The inspirational talks allowed people to share their personal experiences that others were able to relate too. Most importantly, the weekend allowed young people that have been in the same or similar position to meet and make life-time long friends. 

Although the weekend was jam packed with early morning starts, there was plenty of time to chill out and appreciate the amazing surroundings center parcs has to offer. With it being mid-november, center parcs had a real christmas feel about it which was an added bonus to the weekend. Prancer, Dasher, Comet and Blitzen even made an appearance! I'm guessing the other reindeers were left at the north pole. 

1st December

It has arrived. The month we all anticipate. The month full of celebrations. The month we all put on a few pounds. The month we all love, but a small minority hate (directed at all the scrooges - bah humbug to you!). The month father christmas comes along on his sleigh and fits his large cookies & milk filled belly down our fire places and leaves gifts for us to find on the 25th. The month were all suppose to tell the truth, according to Love Actually. Lastly, the month I was diagnosed with cancer.
So, Hello December, we have all been waiting.

Porta-what?

It was only 7.15am and I had already endured a short car ride, walk to the station, an over-ground train, an under-ground train and another walk to UCLH. I can't speak for my Mum, but I was definitely ready for bed and my day had only just begun.

I sat in an unfamiliar reception area, slightly dazed, waiting for my name to be called. "Alexandra Spain, would you like to come through". I was showed to a bed in a children's ward, as being 17 at the time was an awkward age as I was just above the children's age criteria but just below the adults. I changed into some more comfortable pyjama's and attempted to get some more sleep or at least peacefully shut my eyes. I then discovered that this wasn't going to be possible. Children, and I'm talking small babies here, were crying around me. Although I couldn't see them with my eyes, their painful cries made me feel uncomfortable and saddened me to think that such young children were most likely suffering an awful disease when their lives had barely begun. 

"Are you here to have it removed?" The nurse asked me.. I wished. I knew I had a long road ahead of me towards recovery and I would have done anything to fast forward time and be at the point where my portacath could be removed. Unfortunately, I didn't own a time machine. So there I was, patiently waiting to be taken down to theatre for an operation I wasn't even slightly prepared for. Queue the portacath. 

1st November

It is officially acceptable on my watch to start singing the Christmas songs we have been waiting to belt out at the top of our lungs all year - yes it's time to show off your inner Mariah Carey with an All I Want for Christmas sing song.  You can also bring out your Christmas penguin or reindeer pyjama's (because I know we all have a pair).

For me, November is a special month as I celebrate another year with my boyfriend on bonfire night.. remember remember the fifth of november for a whole different reason.

So, hello November. Let the Christmas countdown begin.