1st December

It has arrived. The month we all anticipate. The month full of celebrations. The month we all put on a few pounds. The month we all love, but a small minority hate (directed at all the scrooges - bah humbug to you!). The month father christmas comes along on his sleigh and fits his large cookies & milk filled belly down our fire places and leaves gifts for us to find on the 25th. The month were all suppose to tell the truth, according to Love Actually. Lastly, the month I was diagnosed with cancer.
So, Hello December, we have all been waiting.

Porta-what?

It was only 7.15am and I had already endured a short car ride, walk to the station, an over-ground train, an under-ground train and another walk to UCLH. I can't speak for my Mum, but I was definitely ready for bed and my day had only just begun.

I sat in an unfamiliar reception area, slightly dazed, waiting for my name to be called. "Alexandra Spain, would you like to come through". I was showed to a bed in a children's ward, as being 17 at the time was an awkward age as I was just above the children's age criteria but just below the adults. I changed into some more comfortable pyjama's and attempted to get some more sleep or at least peacefully shut my eyes. I then discovered that this wasn't going to be possible. Children, and I'm talking small babies here, were crying around me. Although I couldn't see them with my eyes, their painful cries made me feel uncomfortable and saddened me to think that such young children were most likely suffering an awful disease when their lives had barely begun. 

"Are you here to have it removed?" The nurse asked me.. I wished. I knew I had a long road ahead of me towards recovery and I would have done anything to fast forward time and be at the point where my portacath could be removed. Unfortunately, I didn't own a time machine. So there I was, patiently waiting to be taken down to theatre for an operation I wasn't even slightly prepared for. Queue the portacath. 

1st November

It is officially acceptable on my watch to start singing the Christmas songs we have been waiting to belt out at the top of our lungs all year - yes it's time to show off your inner Mariah Carey with an All I Want for Christmas sing song.  You can also bring out your Christmas penguin or reindeer pyjama's (because I know we all have a pair).

For me, November is a special month as I celebrate another year with my boyfriend on bonfire night.. remember remember the fifth of november for a whole different reason.

So, hello November. Let the Christmas countdown begin.

The greater things in life for us

Cancer comes with a whole bag full of negatives that can weigh you down, so it's difficult to see pass that and allow yourself to open your eyes to the positive things that cancer has to offer. It is hard to believe that there even are positives, but I promise you they are hiding there somewhere. The biggest positive I now see since my cancer diagnosis is realising a huge life lesson; learning not to take things for granted and to appreciate the little things; like a hug from family members or the fact that your living and breathing another day. If your lying in bed.. get up, go out, make the most of the 24 hours you have ahead of you because the hours left in your life is always decreasing, so if your able to do something with your day, do it. 

So, can cancer really be easy? Well no, but there are things that will make your battle with this dreadful disease that little bit easier and may motivate you to keep going. These 'things' I keep mentioning are charities that dedicate their time and efforts in making life easier and more enjoyable for cancer patients. The majority of charities I personally associate myself with are based on my age, eighteen, but if your an older adult, I know there are plenty of charities out there that can help you also such as http://www.shinecancersupport.org/

The most precious gift.. Life

"I need blood". Something you may hear from a vampire if they existed.. Can you tell I've been watching too much of The Vampire Diaries? But in fact, these were the words of me, lying on my landing after collapsing on the wooden floorboards with a huge crash in the middle of the night. I had woken up needing the toilet, barely being able to open my eyes and managed to unsteadily get out of bed. The next thing I re-call is finding it difficult to keep my head up which had suddenly become extremely heavy and keeping myself up right via a wall. "Do you want to go to hospital?". Why would anyone actually want to go to hospital? It is just mostly full of unwanted bad news & experiences. So no Mum, I did not want to go to hospital, especially not at 3.37am. I knew I needed a blood transfusion beforehand, but I was trying to fight against an unwanted hospital visit which was wrong of me. With the help of my Mum, I got my weakened self into bed and went back to sleep to at least attempt to re-fuel my body in preparation for a long day at the hospital the following day.. which was a Sunday. Sunday's are made for pyjama's, chilling, films, roasts (unless your my Mum & hate cooking) and for just being lazy. Sunday's are definitely not made for blood transfusions.