Do I feel lonely? Not anymore. But did I feel lonely? Of course. I could be sat in a room full of people and still feel so alone.
When I was first diagnosed, I isolated myself. I barely left my hospital room for 2 and a half weeks. I didn't want to risk bumping into any other patients or interact with them. I think I just denied what was happening to me. I didnt want to accept what was going on and I just wanted it all to stop. My positive mentality (which I now have) wasn't there. I remember being taken to the Macmillan Centre for the first time in a wheelchair and I refused to go into the area where everyone has their treatment on the chairs. Why did I do that? Maybe because I felt like I didn't belong there, I'm not entirely sure. I didn't want to mingle with 'sick' people, even though I was sick myself. By isolating myself away from the only people that could make me feel a part of something just made it worst for me, but I was oblivious to that.